How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Randomize
