I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
