I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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