im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
