At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
