Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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