there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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