At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
