I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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