the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
