We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
