I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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