I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
