.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
