Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
love makes seman taste better
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
