Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Everclear isn't food dammit
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
