we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
