this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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