before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
