He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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