This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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