just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize