Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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