Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
