508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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