And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
