dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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