So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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