'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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