Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
