some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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