I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize