coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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