so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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