loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
