yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
