This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize