You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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