Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
