your thong is hanging out like whoa
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
