It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm too high and old for this...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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