I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
