But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
