i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
