She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
