We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
