is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
