This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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