boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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