shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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