Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
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this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
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I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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