M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
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