It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Be still, my beating vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
