She's JV to your varsity
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
