i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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