my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
