dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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