i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
