So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize