I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
