you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
