Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
