I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
