So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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