Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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