I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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